Guess what…my mind has officially been lost. I just stole from a grocery store. And I was completely oblivious as to what I did until I got home. Menopause forgetfulness and brain fog is having its way with me, big time.
Here’s the story: I was out and about. I had a couple of reusable bags that were filled with different things, including recyclable chocolate milk bottles. I grabbed what I thought was the bag filled with chocolate milk bottles, and then picked up a few things in the store, putting them in the bag. When I got to the checkout I realized I hadn’t actually grabbed the bag with the bottles, so I returned to the car. When I unpacked the grocery bag it dawned on me I hadn’t paid for the other items in the first bag. I cried then laughed then cried again.
I went on blood pressure meds a week before leaving for Christmas holidays. That was hard to swallow (no pun intended). I know it’s the best for my health but going from having zero medical issues all my life to taking medicine daily is tough. Which by the way, I’ve forgotten to do a few times. Damn you, menopause forgetfulness!
I have never had such a deep need to ask for help. And, to be perfectly honest, it sucks. I’ve let go of trying to remember everything. I do my best to keep stress at bay. But my biggest struggle is asking for help.
Here’s the thing, when my family knows I just “do the stuff” and I am wishing they would ask how they can help, it becomes a battle in my head. One side of me thinks they should just ask how they can help and the other side suggests I just ask. But I get so frustrated when I ask and it’s still not done and I have to follow up. Here’s the thing: I don’t want to follow up; I want it done so that it’s out of my head. My menopause fatigue and brain fog means I really need a lighter mental load!
I am also having a problem with the statement “I forgot”. That one fires me up, because when people “just forget” it feels like they don’t care.
I guess you can look at it like: “What’s the worst that could happen if ‘blank’ doesn’t get done?” People are disappointed, I suppose. Not the end of the world.
But this whole “asking for help” thing is frustrating as hell. I am looking for balance, I am looking hard!!
Heading into 2019, I am setting intentions for my health, both mental and physical. But I’m also telling myself to be easy on myself. Ack, hard!
Maybe I need to focus on ease and flow? That’s a thought. Here’s the thing, I know “the things” but it’s not so easy to do them when you’re in the trenches.
The holidays were hard for me. I didn’t feel all that happy even though Russ, Ryland, and Delaney were with me. At least I rested a lot!
I am grateful to be able to at least try and express where I am coming from. Journaling helps because I find it takes me to places that my unwritten thoughts haven’t.
As I board a plane back to Vancouver, I am feeling sad. Sunshine is a huge help to my moods, and I know I’m returning home to a lot of gray and rain. You better believe that I am planning my next sunny getaway in my head right here on the runway.
Onward and upward friends. Brain fog is hard. Menopause forgetfulness and fatigue is crazy. But life’s still good. I haven’t forgotten.
BIG LOVE!!
Photography : Flytographer + luciaterrafotografia
